Losing a Furry Friend
Weekly Wellness Newsletter
This week’s newsletter is personal.
I’ve lost many people and pets in my life, but the loss of my cat, Ella, is one of the hardest. My heart is broken. I feel empty inside. I have never felt a feeling quite like this before.
The closest feeling to this is when I lost my horse at age fifteen. I remember being devastated and mourning her passing for months. The weird thing is that it hurt my heart back then, whereas right now I feel broken, numb, and empty. Even the tears that fall from my eyes seem to be coming from out of body. I feel out of body.
On Monday, I lost the love of my life, my best friend, and my family. Ella, my cat, was only two and a half years old. She was the best little kitty I could have ever imagined, and we had a one-of-a-kind relationship. We both had anxiety issues, but she was my emotional support system and I was hers. We clicked together like those charms you can find for best friends. It was a perfect bond.
The story about how I got this little monkey was a true love story. I found her on Kijiji when I knew I didn’t need another cat - I’m not even a cat person! I was just perusing ads for fun, really. Then I came across these photos and it was love at first sight. All of a sudden, I knew I needed this kitty…she was meant to be mine.
The day I went to go see her, she crawled into my lap, and we fell in love. We were glued to each other for the rest of that day and for the rest of her life. Every morning, we’d say good morning to each other (she was part ragdoll and very talkative), she’d jump on the bed, plop herself in front of me, and slide into a little spoon position. I’d slip my hand under her belly and pull her into my chest, kissing her on the head. Every morning.
We’d then get up, I’d make some coffee, and we’d snuggle some more. We’d talk to each other all day long, sneak up on one another to play, and she’d keep me company while I worked and cooked dinner. Many times, I’d usually pour a glass of wine, and she’d crawl back into my lap or my arm for evening cuddles. Then we’d wander off to bed, and she’d still be by my side, sometimes paw in hand. If I tossed and turned while sleeping, she’d follow my lead and do the same. We were inseparable.
Two and a half years went by, still snuggling and talking every day. She would bring me her toys and play fetch. I’d wake up most mornings with at least one, if not a collection, of her toys on the bed. She’d greet me at the door every time I came home, and whenever I was away, I’d try to talk to her through the camera. She was my baby girl.
Even in the times that she would push my buttons - which sometimes she would do on purpose…I could see it in her eyes - my love for her never dwindled. She was a cat of little vices, only wanting to play with my pens, eat the strings on my pants, and stick her dirty little paws in my glass of water to clean them.
I thought I’d have at least ten more years of this daily routine and these experiences with my little buddy. Little did I know that my world would be shaken up when she showed symptoms of neurological issues, and I had to rush her to the vet last week. This past weekend was a true, living nightmare. I still feel like I’m in it.
Ultimately, I had to make the choice to end her life because the prognosis was not good. They believed it could be a brain tumour or something affecting her brain function. Even though there had been signs of hope during those two days at the vet, she was getting worse. Her heart stopped beating, and they were manually breathing for her. It was heartbreaking to see her like she was, and I couldn’t let her suffer anymore. It all happened so fast. The life-changing decision. I can’t believe I have lost my love, my baby girl, my little monkey.
As I’m writing this, I’m still feeling empty and numb. I’m probably not in a proper emotional state to be writing all of this and sharing it with you, but it’s a way for me to express myself. To express my emotions and what I’m feeling inside. Although words are not enough.
Losing a furry friend is not easy…not easy at all. Especially one you have bonded with like no other. The healing process takes time. Grieving takes time. And we all heal in our own way. It’s hard to accept a loss and move on in life, but having a good support system can help. Talking to people who have experienced a similar situation or who knew how much you cared and loved your little creature can help you in the process.
No one will ever truly know the relationship I had with Ella, but the love, support, and condolences from the humans in my life mean so much to me. The sharing of stories and memories of the furry loved ones that they’ve lost brings me hope in my healing process.
We lost each other, Ella and I, but I know her spirit is with me. I can feel her. I’m grateful for how spiritual I am because it helps me to find deeper meaning in all of this and remain connected to her soul. The day I brought her to the vet, I saw a rainbow, a horseshoe, and the number 7777. The moment she passed away in my arms, the monitor read “123,” and I saw those numbers on the clock later that day.
Both 7777 and 123 mean you’re on the right path, and a new phase of your life is beginning. As hard as that is to accept (because how could losing my kitty be meant to be?), I have to hold faith. I have to see the bigger picture and connect the dots in my life to heal from this properly.
I can’t keep replaying scenarios in my head over and over and tormenting myself with “what ifs?” and questioning, “What could I have done differently?”. Part of me wants to find the cause, which will probably never happen, but in doing so, I’m keeping myself in the nightmare. I have to look forward, find a deeper meaning to all of this, and remember the good times I had with her.
A week ago, I pulled an oracle card from the Spirit Animals oracle deck by Colette Baron-Reid, and it was the cat. The message was “independence”. For some reason, I kept the card out of the deck. In fact, it’s still out. I woke up yesterday at 2:00 am, sick to my stomach, and decided to look up the spiritual meaning of losing a cat. I came across the following themes…
Transition. Losing a cat can spiritually mean that you need to go through a change or transformation in your life to enter a new phase.
Independence. Losing a cat can define a time in your life when you need to be in solitude or enhance your independence.
Healing. Losing a cat could mean that you’ve completed a healing cycle and no longer need them energetically in your physical reality.
Protection. You could lose your cat because you need them in the spirit realm as a guardian angel for protection more than in your physical reality.
Spiritual Awakening. Losing a cat could ignite your psychic abilities and enhance your spiritual growth. It could tune you in to the spiritual realm and heighten your awareness.
Mystery. Cats are mystical creatures, and losing one could represent that it’s time to dig deeper into the mysteries of life.
I found these messages comforting. Especially because, before I went to sleep that night, I pulled some Tarot cards that affirmed a new beginning and a time of solitude. The cards that appeared were the 10 of Wands, the Hermit, and the 8 of Pentacles. The Hermit is the energy or archetype of independence, solitude, and soul-searching.
When finished with my three-card reading, I asked if she was still with me, just beyond the veil. I pulled out the Sun card, which is a “yes” card. This affirmed that she’s here with me in spirit right now.
Moving forward, I will continue to talk to her and ask her to visit me in my dreams. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I see her face. It might take some time to fully release the guilt, hurt, sadness, and grief and stop feeling so empty inside, but keeping my connection with her and believing there’s a bigger reason to it all will help with this. It’s a process, and it will take time.
To all those who have loved and lost a furry friend, my heart is with you. It truly is a heartbreaking time, and the healing cannot be rushed. To everyone who has reached out, sent love, and comforted me during this time, I will be forever grateful.
I am so grateful for knowing and loving this beautiful soul, spending time with her, and just being with her. She brought me so much healing, joy, laughter, peace, and comfort. She was truly my best friend. I know one day we will meet again, and so I will end this letter with a beautiful poem that my dear friend sent me the day she passed away. It’s a reminder that we all go back to the same place, back to our soul family, when we also leave our physical body.
Waiting at the Door
I was just a kitten when we first met, I loved you from the start,
you picked me up and took me home and placed me in your heart.
Good times we had together, we shared all life could throw,
but years passed all too quickly, my time has come to go.
I know how much you miss me, I know your heart is sore,
I see the tears that fall when I’m not waiting at the door.
You always did your best for me, your love was plain to see.
For even though it broke your heart, you set my spirit free.
So please be brave without me, one day we’ll meet once more.
For when you’re called to Heaven, I’ll be waiting at the door.
-Unknown
Namaste.
With Love, Light, and Gratitude,
Jessica Rose.